Nanny and the Ninjas
by merciful-malice
Summary: Most authors write stories where they fall/journey to Konoha. I went beyond that, I sent in... My grandmother. She'll be telling everyone what their problem it and dishing out punishment Nana style. Crack!
1. Chapter 1

_Welcome friends, I spoke to my grandmother on the phone the other day and she was babysitting my younger cousin. He wanted to know whether Naruto was appropriate for him to watch. From that conversation sprung this idea. I plan to send my Grandmother into the world of Naruto! _

_The phone conversation is what we actually discussed and as true to memory as I can manage .To save some confusion. The story begins from my own perspective, but at the end of the call it's shifted to my grandmother, whose name is Adeline._

_Naito_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does.

* * *

: Chapter One :

The echo of a ringing phone resounded throughout the hallways of the small apartment. A girl of nineteen hurried to wipe her hands clean and grasped for the cordless.

"Hello," she said tucking the device between her shoulder and ear as she returned to the stove.

"Hello, it's me, your Grandmother," responded the voice on the other end.

"Nan, even if your voice hadn't given it away, my caller ID would have," chuckled the brunette. She reduced the ovens heat and stirred a pot slowly.

"Don't sass me, I could still give you a trimmin'," the elder reminded her with a light tone.

"Okay, I surrender. So, this is a weird time for you to call. I'm in the middle of making dinner. Is something wrong?"

"Other then you not making dinner for a husband? When are you gonna get married?"

"Please Nan; I don't even want to get married. You're starting to sound like my friend. She's still determined I'll marry her cousin."

"She's got the right idea. You obviously can't find a husband on your own."

"Is this really why you called?" the young woman's voice sounded exasperated now. She sighed loudly to get the point across.

"No. I've got Cody here and he wants to watch this show I've never heard of. It's on that kid's channel, but they announced some advisory at the beginning."

"What's it called?"

"Nardo… or something."

In the background the voice of a young boy shouted, "It's _Naruto_!"

"Oh whatever," the old woman muttered, "I was close."

"Naruto? It's an anime about young ninjas. There's no way Aunt Janis lets him watch that. She'd think it was too violent."

"Turn it off Cody!"

The pot on the stove began to boil over.

"Nan, I have to go, I've just ruined my homework…"

"Alright, I love you."

"Love you too Nanny."

As Adeline hung up the phone she sighed. That granddaughter of hers was never going to find a good husband on her own. All she ever did was work, go to school and play computer games. The girl could stand to get out on the scene a little. Meet a nice man and settle down.

"Can I watch it please…," whined Cody.

"No, now pick up these toys. Your mother is going to be by in about an hour."

"Fine," grumbled the bespectacled little boy.

Later that evening, Adeline carefully made a couple of tea and sat herself in front of the television. Toying with the clicker, she turned the contraption on and found it on the last channel it had been on.

The kid's channel Cody had been watching. The opening had just ended to the very show he had been wanting to watch.

"Damn TV, nothing but reruns…" she mumbled.

Unfortunately, she only got two channels. Her options were this kid's show or Jay Leno. If there was one man Adeline hated, it was that fart Jay Leno.

Selecting the lesser of two evils, she stuck with the Naruto show.

She found the show unrealistic and generally annoying. 12 year old ninjas with TVs and cameras, but no cars?

With no interest in the show, she eventually drifted off to sleep.

It was the tickle of the rays of a bright sun that awoke her wrinkled old eyes. '_Odd_,' she thought, '_It was dark when I fell asleep… And wasn't on the couch_?' She sat up and rubbed her eyes. He jaw dropped, leaving her mouth to hang agape. "Okay, I know I was at least indoors!" she exclaimed as she got to her feet.

A few stumbling steps forward gave her a better idea of where she was.

"Mount Rushmore?" she asked nobody.

She was on a cliff of sorts and looking down over the edge. Faces were carved into the rock, but she didn't recognize the men. Maybe this was a bad perspective to look at them…

The town below looked strange, but a little familiar. Beautiful really. She just knew her granddaughter would love to get here and take pictures.

'_How the hell did I get up here?'_ She looked around worriedly. '_Alzheimer's or Dementia?_'

There was a path nearby that seemed to lead down to the town below. Deciding that she had no real other options, she set off in that direction.

From her new perspective, halfway down the trail, she could better see the faces of the mountain side.

"Who are these people?" she asked aloud again, not directed the question at anyone in particular, seeing as she thought she was alone.

"Those are the previous leaders of this village. The face of each Hokage is carved here," said what sounded like a man.

Adeline jumped at the voice and spun around in circles to try and find the source of information. "Who's there?" she demanded fearfully.

"You're not from here, are you?"

"No, I don't even know where here is! Why don't you answer my question?"

"I apologize, but," replied the man as he emerged from the trees. "I think you should come with me…" He stepped into her personal space and reached for her arm.

"Stay back pervert! I don't go anywhere with strangers!" She shouted and slapped him.

The strangely dressed pervert seemed taken aback by this action. He moved back swiftly and touched his face. "Please, I think it's important," he pled softly.

"Back in my day, people introduced themselves before asking that you come with them," she argued.

He smiled warmly, trying to look less frustrated than he felt. "I'm sorry, my name is Iruka and I'm a chuunin from this village."

Staying an arm's length from the man, she followed alongside the young man, attempting not to stare at the scar that distracted from most of his features, which were fairly appealing. "My name is Adeline. I'm from Northern Arm. What's a chuunin?"

"A ninja rank. I'm afraid I've never heard of Northern Arm, pleased to meet you."

He watched her suspiciously. As much as he wanted to believe that she was just an innocent old woman who had lost her way, but the things she said seemed to bizarre to be true. The name Adeline, for example. He had never heard such a name before. That town was on no map he had ever seen. He just couldn't bring himself to trust her.

* * *

_Well, I know it's short, but this is just to get her there and kind of give a teeny bit of background on my Nan and the family. There will be more next chapter and I eventually plan to explain how she got here exactly._

* * *

_Merciful Malice (Naito)_ ©


	2. Chapter 2

_I have returned with more nanalicious fictional works! Hopefully you're enjoying this in some way. Oh and no worries, I won't be hooking Iruka up with my Nan. Haha… _

_Naito_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Naruto. Kishimoto does. I also don't own th song, but more about that at the end. I don't want to ruin the surprise…

* * *

: Chapter Two :

Leaning against the railing, Adeline sighed. "I get that this is a tower, but what's with all the stairs and why don't you have a damned elevator?," she grumbled about the building's design a little more before deciding to find out more about the man she was wandering with.

He just tossed her a smile in response to her complaints.

It would be rude to just ask about the scar. She'd have to find more appropriate conversation. Pushing off the railing and continuing the steady climb up the stairs, her muscles ached, but she could see the end of the steps just ahead.

'_He doesn't look very old. Mid twenties, I'd say,'_ she thought to herself, '_I wonder if these ninja make good money…'_ Her thoughts drifted momentarily back to her unwed granddaughter living on her own. '_Katie…'_

"About how old are you, sir?" she asked with a pant as the finally reached level ground.

He gave her a curious glance. "Twenty three," he answered, hoping she wasn't interested in him, "Why do you ask?"

With a large and somewhat frightening smile, she looked him in the eye and replied, "I have a granddaughter about your age."

Now, Iruka can be surprisingly naïve at times, and this happened to be one of those times. Returning the smile, he assumed she was just lonely. Perhaps she missed her granddaughter.

'_He's only about four years older than her. I wonder if he's married…'_ A quick check of his hands revealed those damn fingerless gloves. She sighed for a second time. '_I'll just have to find out another way.'_

Secretly plotting a scheme most brilliant, she lost track of her surroundings until someone cleared their throat. It was Iruka and they were in an office with a gorgeous view that rivalled the one from the mountain top. She still preferred the mountain's view.

A busty woman was looking at them from her position behind a desk. Going based on the fashion she had seen on a few of the young women as they passed through to the tower, Adeline had the feeling that this woman before them was older than she appeared. Or, at least, some sort of fashion retard who dressed much older. Either way, she must have been important, so Adeline wanted to make a good impression.

"Sorry," she apologized to the Hokage, "I'm a little confused at the moment. I don't exactly know where I am or why I'm here…"

"I understand. We've arranged for you to stay at the hospital for a few days. We want to monitor your health. Just to be safe. You'll be able to come and go as you please once you pass the initial check up," Tsunade smiled at her sadly, "We'll try to find out how to get you home, but we don't know how long that'll take. In the meantime, welcome to Konoha."

Adeline had always supported herself and wasn't about to change that now. She looked at the woman eagerly. "Where might I find a job?"

"There's no need for that. The hospital won't charge you rent…"

"No, nothing is free and if I can't go home anytime soon I'll need to get a place to live and that will cost money."

"Well, we'll worry about that when the time comes," the Hokage explained.

"Thank you." Deep down Adeline knew she was going to have to find a job and home on her own, but at least they were accommodating her.

She followed Iruka into the hall. He opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by loud, sudden music.

"_I don't want to love, you  
I just want to fuck, you  
You should bring your friends, through  
I'll fuck you and them, too_

_Choke me, spank me, Pull my hair_

_Choke me, spank me, Pull my-_"

Iruka looked slightly offended by the lyrics and felt more than a little awkward.

"Sorry, just a second," the old woman told him as she reached into the pocket of her cardigan and pulled out a cell phone. "Hello?"

A relieved voice answered, "Nan! Where are you? Are you okay? I was calling the house and nobody picked up! None of the family has seen you since last night and I was so worried!"

"It's alright dear, I'm fine. I woke up in this beautiful little town called Konoha and the nicest young man has been helping me find my way around."

Iruka was staring at the old woman, quite confused by the situation and still feeling off about the song.

"Nan, listen carefully, did you smoke any of Josh's '_cigarettes'_?"

"I'm not on drugs. Don't forget that this is your grandmother your talking to. Anyway, tell everyone not to worry, they're very kind here. I'll probably be staying awhile. I think you should meet this man. His name's Iruka, just a couple years older than you. He's some sort of soldier with a very nice smile…"

Blushing, Iruka turned away. This was one strange old bat that was for sure.

"This is not the time to be setting me up! Nothing your saying makes any sense! How did you get wherever you are?"

"I woke up here."

"Where did you fall asleep?"

"In front of the TV, watching that show Cody wanted to watch. You know the one, Noodle."

"Naruto Nan, Naruto. Listen, I'll find a way to get you back home. You've had me so worried. I've already booked a flight back to Newfoundland."

"Well, I'm not in Newfoundland."

"Nan… I .. Whatever… Look, I'll see you soon and I'll talk to you sooner. Keep your phone handy," Katie insisted. She had no idea how to tell her grandmother that she was in a TV show. Obviously this was some sort of delusion. An effect of old age?

"Alright, I love you," Adeline said, "Once you find out how to get me home, I want you to meet this man."

"Sure Nan, I promise I'll meet with Iruka," Katie sighed. She didn't believe he existed, so it was a rather empty promise. "I love you too."

Flipping the phone shut, the old lady shoved it back into her pocket. Pausing for a moment, she suddenly reached into her other pocket and pulled out what appeared to be a wallet. "That was my granddaughter Katie. She's going to come get me."

Iruka said nothing as he watched the woman fish through the folds of the odd looking wallet.

"I've got twenty eight grandkids and she's the only one who keeps in touch. They all call me, but she calls every day. She's a good girl. Very pretty," she muttered, "This is her."

She handed Iruka a photograph from the wallet. A blue eyed brunette looked at him while trying to conceal her laughter with a pale hand.

"You can keep that one; I have loads of pictures in here. Mostly of her. Isn't she lovely?"

He apparently stared at the photo a little longer than he'd realized. "Ah… Haha..," he laughed awkwardly and smiled his trademark smile at the old woman.

She looked at him, clearly awaiting an answer.

"Yes," he said quickly as he put the picture into a pocket of his vest.

"She's single too," Adeline chimed, already preparing for when her grandchild arrived. "You don't have a wife, do you?" _'Might as well ask while we're on the subject…'_ she thought with a small smile.

"No."

"Or a girlfriend?"

"No."

They continued walking and something suddenly occurred to the ancient dame. "You don't have a boyfriend, do you?"

Iruka stumbled and coughed. "No, I don't. Not really what I'm into."

Grinning while she plotted away, Adeline decided that this could go well. Maybe she'd even live to see some more great grand children! Knowing Katie, she'd put up a fight, but surely after just a short while with this man she'd cave. '_He's exactly what she needs. Good looking, a nice job, not gay like every other nice boy she makes friends with…_'

They arrived at the hospital and Iruka showed her to a more residence oriented wing. Looking about the industrially clean room, she decided that this was not going to do well at all.

"I have to get back to patrol, but if you need anything, let them know at the desk. I'll inform them of the situation on the way out. There's a nice ramen place I recommend just down the street. Tell them to put it on my tab and I'll cover it when I go later," Iruka told her.

'_Such a gentleman,_' she thought mischievously. "Thank you for everything."

He smiled and nodded before leaving, the door closing behind him.

'_I may have to stay here until they deem me physically able to live elsewhere, but I'll be damned if I stay a moment longer than I have to.'_ With that in mind, she left for the suggested lunch.

The only thing she recognized on the menu was called miso ramen. Something she had eaten once before. Though it wasn't something she had overly enjoyed the taste of, she thought it better to go with what she knew she could eat as opposed to risking some potentially terrible and allergy inducing concoction.

"Thank you," she said to the server. Smiling at the man about her age, she asked, "You wouldn't happen to have a job opening for me, would you?"

"Do you have any experience?"

"I have plenty. People with wrinkles like mine are full of experience. I used to work on a ship as a cook. And I've raised more than enough children to know how to clean."

He looked at her thoughtfully for a long moment. Her nerves tingled.

"I was hoping to take a day or two off each week. Stop by tomorrow at about this time and I'll see what you can do. There won't be many hours, but it's all I can offer."

"Oh anything is fine. Everyone starts somewhere and I'm new here, s o as the old saying goes, beggars can't be choosers."

He nodded and left her to eat her noodles in peace.

An hour later she was off about the markets, looking for any sign of a potential employer. As she passed the last of the shops on the street she sighed heavily. There just wasn't any work for an old broad like her.

Then, as if by some wild act of fate, a trio of young people walked past and their conversation could be heard for what was likely blocks. One of the young men just didn't seem capable of lowering the volume.

"I can't believe your Dad is doing that Hinata! You're so lucky, I wish my parents would try to find me an assistant. Someone to take care of everything for you!"

A dog walking with them barked and the tallest boy wearing sunglasses spoke, but his voice was too soft to be heard.

Adeline turned around and approached them calmly, doing her best not to run. "Excuse me! Excuse me! Hinata, was it?" she asked.

The stopped and stared at her. Well, she assumed they did. The dog-boy did anyway. Sunglasses man was a difficult one to read and the young girl became fascinated with her feet.

"Yes," said the young woman.

"I couldn't help but overhear that you need an assistant. Has the position been filled?"

"No, not yet," nearly whispered the girl as she managed to find the courage for eye contact with the stranger.

"Do you know what they're looking for? I have experience in so many fields - "

"They aren't going to hire an old lady!" barked the boy with the dog whom Adeline had secretly decided was now _brat boy_.

"Quiet you little punk! I'll break a switch off that tree there and give you the trimming of a lifetime! Where's you respect for your elders? Lord, thundering, dancing, dying Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Kids these days…" she trailed off.

"Shut up, you old maid! I'm a ninja! I'll kick your ass!"

"Why you… Never mind. This has nothing to do with you. I was addressing Hinata and not you," she turned her attentions back to the girl who looked horrified by the direction their conversation had taken. "I apologize dear. It's been a strange day and my patience are wearing thin."

* * *

_At no point was I bragging about myself in anyway. That's just how my Nan talks about me. I'm not nearly the dish she makes me out to be. Also, she does not deal well with mouthy kids. I don't even know if I want her to get hired of to have her get into a fight with Hiashi. I have yet to decide._

* * *

_Merciful Malice (Naito)_ ©


End file.
